The Lifestyle of the Fab-YOUlous and Forgiving!
I want to speak directly to you. Yes, you! The fab-YOUlous, YOU… who is now reading this post!
Today, I am asking you to reach inside yourself,real deep. Please indulge me for one moment. Take a nice shallow breath. Right now. Don’t wait until you are finished reading this post. Take the breath now, I’ll wait.
Now take a deeper breath…
Go deeper still. Take a deeper breath…
THANKS!!! Do you feel better? I knew you would. Many times, we are sitting here at these computers and our shoulders are cramping up from being hunched over and our eyes are tired of the ultraviolet light.
It gets tough to take in a good message, like that. I have a good message for you, today. One that will bring you more peace. Hence, the deep breaths I had you take at the beginning of the post.
I have started having my son take some nice deep breaths when I know I am going to have him do something he does not want to do. It gives him a sense of calm and he is able to do it without being upset. It riles him up. He says, “Mom why won’t you just let me be mad. Now, I’m mad, because I can’t get mad.” LOL!
So, there’s a tip for you parents to use on yourselves and your children. Take a breath before doing any task large or small. Take a breath when starting any new project. Take a breath before reading your next status update, post or piece of mail… You get the picture. Know I’m not some looney asking you to breathe all your problems away, but let’s get to the point anyway…
Forgiveness is For You
Forgiveness is something that you do. It is not just something that happens to you over time. You say, “I’ll forgive one day when I feel better about it.” Even more than that, forgiveness is a state that you choose. You choose to forgive. Forgiveness has no mind to choose you. You choose, with your mind, to forgive.
Forgiveness means that you do not have to feel hurt, pain and negative emotions from some past event, any longer. It does not matter if the event happened yesterday. It really does not matter if it were an hour ago. You can choose to forgive or let it go. It does not matter if the event was 10 years ago.
“Forgiveness is setting someone else free and then realizing that you were the prisoner.” ~Max Lucado
How Do You Choose to Forgive?
Many people have no idea what forgiveness is at all. They simply have no definition for it, but have many feelings about it. This ignorance can have a crippling effect. So, let’s define it.
You must understand forgiveness. There are so many different definitions. The word forgiveness has been used to release people from the “responsibility” of debts they incurred. It has also been used to release prisoners from prison, even if they committed a crime based on some misinformation or political mishap. Releasing justice from being served and the criminal having to take “responsibility” or accept consequences for their actions.
Now, we see the word forgiveness as an act of releasing someone from taking responsibility for their actions. We feel like that what forgiveness means in our lives. I say, “Most certainly NOT!!!” Forgiveness is a more responsible word than that.
“Forgiveness is giving up hope that the past could be any different.” ~Oprah Winfrey
If I Forgive Him/Her, then They Will Get Away With (Fill in the blank).
Forgiveness means that the offender must receive whatever consequence for their action, even if it means that you no longer speak to them. Forgiveness simply means that you accept that what was done was done. Accept the fact that it hurt you. Allow yourself to fully feel the pain. Do not try to stop the tears, but fully indulge your hurt. Know that you can and will let it go.
We hold on to hurts partially because we have always been taught to hush our tears. We have never been allowed to just hurt or cry. We we were just children we were told to man up or just stop it. It is seen as weakness, embarrassing and shameful.
Hear me, as I say this, there is no shame in hurting. Cry for all the times you didn’t get to when you were little. Do not cry a cry of weakness, but a cry of release. This is the beginning of forgiveness. If you are not into crying, then scream. If you are not prone to screaming, beat up a pillow. Release. Go for walk, a run. Get physical. Release though the body.
Let the Dead Bury the Dead
The past is gone. The future is just a dream. The present is all we have. Yet, we continuously through dead memories, continue to relive the past over and over in our present. Thereby, reliving the pain.
We even go as far as projecting the pain into our future that does not exist. We imagine this horrendous situation may happen to us again. Recreating the emotions and having the experience all over again. Many times we change the experience, in our minds, for the worst and not for the best.
Forgiveness means accepting that the situation happened, then declaring that you will not relive the experience and the emotions a moment longer. It is over. It is dead. It is in the past. It can not be changed. Again, it is over.
What if I Keep Thinking About It even Though I Try to Stop?
I am going to say something that does not make any since. Then again, maybe it does. DO NOT TRY TO STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. Every time you think about the hurtful situation, instead of trying to force it out of your mind, thereby refocusing on the very thing you want to forget… Instead use the Love Button.
What is the Love Button?
The Love Button is just the simple phrase, “I Love You.” Each time the memory comes up of the hurt and pain. Say within yourself, “I Love You.” Say it only within yourself. In the theater of your mind, say it to the other person. In the theater of your mind, say it to God, the Universe, the world. Say “I Love You” and Feel Love. The most important part is to “feel love.” Feeling Love is 95% of this process.
You can also use the Love Button by imagining yourself with that Staples Easy Button, but instead of the button saying “Easy” it says “I Love You.” In the theater of your mind, press your “I Love You” Button and feel the hurt or pain from the memory release, just a little. Imagine every time you press the button that it erases a little bit of the pain. Each time you say “I love you”or press the “I Love You” Button, just a little bit of the painful memory is wiped away. Just imagine it!
This is a simple technology of healing, but the most simple things confound the wise. Accept what I am saying here for just a few days. Use it fully. If you use it for 3 days and your heart is not lighter or completely free of an old hurt or pain that you focus the Love Button on, then throw this concept out, and do not ever use it again.
But if it lightens your heart and frees you from any pain, continue to use the Love Button to be the Fab-YOUlous, you that you are. Thank you so much for having me on as a guest, today! Have a fab-YOUlous Friday! Be Blessed. Be Well. More Love to You…
i AM she ~the Queen of Forgiveness~ 2 years walking the road of forgiveness, and I find that there really is nothing to forgive. If I am going to forgive a few minutes later, then why go through the trouble of getting upset, hurt or angry at all. I just know that I forgive and I am forgiven. This is my mantra to all. Forgive and be forgiven. Forgive yourself (as God already has), and forgive others as you have been forgiven. As you continue your walk in forgiveness, you will find that more than proverbially — there really is nothing (happening outside of you) to forgive. But for now, just forgive. — http://www.LaurenReliford.com